Trip to Truth
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: Lucas Kingsleigh, Alice's grandson, has fallen down the rabbits hole. After spending time with the Mad Hatter he slowly lets down his walls. Warnings: self-harm, attempted suicide.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing. Will be some sensitive things coming up. Enjoy!

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><p>"Why don't you go for a walk, Lucas," Grandma Alice said glaring at my mother.<p>

"As long as he doesn't fall into any rabbit holes," Mother said with a sneer.

Sighing I walked out of my grandma's house hearing the usual yelling behind me. My mother, Astrid Kingsleigh, and my grandma, Alice Kingsleigh, had been fighting about one thing for as long as I could remember. They fought over the existence of Wonderland.

Underland; to the people who lived there, was a land Grandma Alice went to when she was younger. She loved to tell the story of the Mad Hatter and the White Queen and the way she told them made me believe they were real. And that was where the trouble started.

Once I told Grandma Alice that I wanted to go my mother had a fit. She demanded that Grandma Alice stop telling me the story. When she refused they quit talking. The last time I saw Grandma Alice was when I was eight and now ten years later they still fought over it.

Stopping in front of a water fountain I looked at myself in the waters reflection. I hated my reflection. I always looked fake. No one knew me. No one saw past the blond spiky hair, pale skin, or silver eyes. I had been told I looked like Grandma Alice, except for my eyes.

Shaking my head I moved my hand through the water to distort the image before I made my way further into the forest. It was a hot day, but like always I had on a military jacket that my father gave me before he died. The rest of my outfit was black, plain black T-Shirt, plain black pants, plain black boots. The only thing that stood out was my hat.

I've had this hat since the last time I saw Grandma Alice. She had it specially made for me after she told me that I reminded her of Mad Hatter. The hat was a white top hat with black lace. She said it wasn't as nice as the Hatter would have made, but it was the best she could have gotten here.

As I walked further into the woods I wondered what it would be like in Underland. It seemed so free and peaceful. I've had dreams of living there for years. It was a place that I wanted to see once before I died. It was just a wish though. One I doubted would ever happen.

Blinking back tears I sat on the ground. My thoughts were starting to get to me. I needed to clear my mind, but the sun was setting and I needed to get back to the house. Standing up I turned back towards the house only to hit my head and fall back towards the ground.

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><p>"Hatter," Mally said her voice squeaking loudly.<p>

Hearing my name being called I walked out of my house. As soon as I got outside I saw what had Mally in a fuss. Next to the table was a young man unconscious on the ground. Walking slowly to the man I looked over him in confusion. Everything about him screamed Upperland. Just like Alice.

"Should I ready for fight?" Mally said pulling out her sword.

"No, my friend," I said shaking my head, "I think we'll wait until after he's awoken to see if we must fight. Fighting isn't something to be taken lightly. Though it's been said…"

"Hatter."

"Right, sorry. I'll take him to my room to rest. Don't disturb him."

Getting closer to the man I lifted him up gently. The man was a lot lighter then I thought her would be. It was almost as if he never ate. There was something wrong with him and I had to wait to figure it out. I didn't like waiting. It wasn't something I was good at.

When I placed him on my head I heard him let out a soft groan. Kneeling next to my bed I watched the man toss and turn. He let out another groan and moved closer to the edge, to me. My eyes widened slightly when he reached for me before turning away.

Clearing my throat I stood up and made my way outside. Mally was watching m closely. I sat down and grabbed something so I could write a letter to the White Queen. She might know what was going on and who the man in my bed was.

"Take this to the White Queen," I said handing it to Mally.

"What about you?" Mally said her eyes wide, "I can't just leave you here with that man. He could be dangerous."

"Go."

Mally stared at me for a moment before she grabbed the letter and left. Once I made sure that I was alone I let my head fall onto the table. It had been years since Alice visited and I had just stopped thinking about her everyday. When she left it was like my little sister left. Now there was another person that would just leave.

Standing up I looked at the ground where the man hit and saw a hat there. It was a nice hat, but I could make it so much better. Knowing that I needed a distraction I picked the hat up. While the man slept I was going to fix his hat up. It would help keep my mind clear.

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><p>Sitting up I looked around the room wondering where I was. Grandma Alice had no rooms that looked like this. I climbed out of the bed and let out a groan of pain. I must have hit the ground hard. I headed to the door and started to go through the house. Someone had to be here.<p>

"Add a little here," a male voice said softly, "A little off here."

I got closer to the voice and saw a man moving around something in the middle of the room. Quietly I moved closer to him to see what he was working on. Gasping slightly I saw that it was my hat. He had done such amazing things to the hat. He added dark red flowers and sliver coins around the rim.

"Wow," I said loudly.

The man turned around and looked at me. Stepping back I wanted to run away, but looking closely he looked familiar. Biting my lower lip I moved closer and shakily pressed a hand to his cheek. When he smiled at me I gasped and pulled away from him.

"You're the Mad Hatter," I said shocked.

"Do I know you?" Hatter asked confused.

"No, my grandma, she knew you."

"Your grandma, is Alice Kingsleigh your grandma?"

"Yes, she is."

Mad Hatter smiled widely and hugged me. I stiffened in her arms and pulled back. He gave me a look of confusion before smiling again. Clearing my throat I turned away from him and closed my eyes. Maybe this was a dream. I didn't want it to be a dream, but it must be.

"Are you okay?" Hatter asked cocking his head to the side.

"I think I hit my head hard," I said turning around, "I mean of course it was hard I was passed out, but harder than I thought. Though I was passed out so I don't really know how hard I hit it. It was really hard though. The hit was hard not the other thing. Not that there was something else that was hard. I mean…"

"Love."

Freezing mid-thought I looked at Hatter. As I stared into his eyes I saw them change from a neon green to an almost silver color. Biting my lip hard enough to draw blood I let out a whimper before turning to leave. Before I could start to run I felt hands on my shoulders.

"What's your name?" Hatter said his voice low.

"Lucas," I said swallowing roughly.

"Well, Lucas, where are you off to so quickly? Do you have plans with someone else?"

"No."

"Then where are you off to?"

"Hatter, please. You can't…I wish…Don't try to save me."

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><p>"Your Majesty," Mally said running up to me.<p>

"Yes," I said softly.

"A letter from the Mad Hatter, it's urgent."

With a smile I took the letter from the mouse and read over it. My eyes widened slightly when I finished the letter. I knew of nothing bad that was happening. Could there be a new threat that no one was aware of yet?

"Will you get me the Oraculum, please?" I said calmly to the monkey next to me.

Nodding quickly the monkey took off running toward the library. Smiling at Mally with confidence I didn't feel I waited for the monkey to return. The thought that something horrible could be happening in the wonderful land broke my heart. I hate the thought of others hurt.

As the monkey came back he opened the Oraculum before me. Smiling I kissed his head gently and kneeled in front of the scroll. I moved my eyes over the scroll quickly hoping not to find that we were in danger again. Confusion fell over me when I saw that my hopes were right. We weren't in danger. The man who had come was though.

"Mally," I said closing the Oraculum, "Would you like to stay here for awhile?"

"What about the Mad Hatter?" Mally asked confused.

"He'll be fine. It's the other man I'm worried about."


	2. Chapter 2

I own nothing. Will be some sensitive things coming up. Enjoy!

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><p>My hands gripped tightly on Lucas's shoulders. He was shaking horribly and I could tell that he wanted to run. I tried to keep him in one place, but when he elbowed me in the stomach. I had to let go. He took off running out of my house and into the woods.<p>

"That did not go well," I said to myself.

Shaking my head I followed Lucas calmly. I didn't want to lose him, but I didn't want to find him easily either. He needed to calm down so we could have an actual conversation. I hoped he just needed a little time so he could process everything fully.

I had been walking in the woods for ten minutes before I heard someone sobbing. Turning towards the noise I saw Lucas sitting on the ground his head on his knees and his arms in front of him. Moving closer to him as quietly as I could I looked over him before freezing.

"What is that?" I said my Scottish accent coming through.

"Hat-Hatter," Lucas said pulling his arms towards his chest.

"What is that?"

"Please, Hatter, don't."

Falling to my knees I grabbed Lucas's forearms and pulled them towards me. Lucas let out a soft whimper but kept them against his chest. Growling to myself I started to wrestle with him. I didn't want to hurt him, but if he kept fighting I would. Digging my fingernails into his skin I waited for Lucas to stop moving.

"Let me see," I said anger sipping into my voice.

"Please, Hatter" Lucas said through tears, "Please don't do this."

"Let me see, Lucas, now."

Lucas looked at the ground and let his arms go weak. Pulling his arms so they were fully stretched between us I looked down at them. Feeling the anger consume me I moved my eyes to Lucas's face. Before I could start yelling at him I saw fear in his eyes.

"Your eyes change color," Lucas said clearing his throat.

"Emotions," I said softly, "What is this?"

"You know what they are."

"I know they're cuts. Now, how did you get them?"

"I fell and got hurt on the tree limbs."

Pushing Lucas against a tree I picked up the knife that was next to him. I looked at the knife calmly and saw that not only was there fresh blood on it, but dried blood from long ago. Without thinking I pressed the blade to his throat causing Lucas to gasp.

"What are you doing, Hatter?" Lucas said his eyes wide.

"You're lying to me," I said angrily, "I don't like being lied to. Tell me the truth. How did you get these?"

"I…I did them to myself."

"Why?"

"I can't."

Pressing the knife closer I tried to think clearly, but everything was zooming around in my mind. I knew that I shouldn't be doing this to Lucas, it was wrong, but I needed him to tell me everything though. I could only help him if he told me what caused him to do this to himself.

"Tell me or I slit your throat," I said through gritted teeth.

"Do it, Hatter," Lucas said pressing towards that knife, "Please, kill me. Kill me!"

Hearing the desperation in his voice caused me to drop the knife. Why did he want to die? Could his life truly be that bad? He was close to breaking and I was here. I had to help him before it was too late, before we would be forced to have an Underland funeral.

"Lucas," I said softly.

"Hatter," Lucas said gripping my hands tightly, "Please, I can't do it anymore."

"Do what?"

"Live, I can't live anymore. Please, just kill me. Please, Tarrant."

I stared at Lucas for a few moments before bringing him into a hug. Lucas rested his head on my chest and started sobbing. Pulling him closer to me I started to rock him back and forth. I had to get him to calm down. Maybe if I got him to someplace he felt safe I could get him to talk.

"Lucas," I said softly, "I'm going to take you to the White Queen."

"No," Lucas said pulling away, "Please, I don't want to go there."

"Where do you want to go then?"

"Is there a place with a lot of water?"

Nodding I started to lift Lucas up only to have him scream and fall back down. Kneeling next to him I saw that his cuts had opened up again. With a sigh I picked him up and started to walk towards the White Queen's castle. I knew he didn't want to go, but we had to get him healed before he died.

"I'm taking you to the White Queen," I said calmly, "You're hurt and if we don't get you healed up then you'll going to die and I'd rather that didn't happen. So I'm going to help you. First to get you all healed up then…"

"Hatter," Lucas said his voice fading.

"Fez, I'm alright."

"I'm tired."

"Stay awake. Tell me something about yourself."

"Not much to say."

"What's your full name?"

"Lucas Sebastien Kingsleigh, though I have no nicknames. Well, besides what Grandma Alice call me."

"What's that?"

"Mad, she said it was because I reminded her of you. The way I think, I mean, I'm always going on and on during conversations. I don't see it. That and I used to say your name in my sleep. Not that I did that a lot, just when I dreamt of you, not that I dream about you. I mean, I do dream about you. Not bed dreams though. They're good dreams, really good dreams. I mean..."

"We're here, Lucas."

Lucas sighed softly and rested his ehad on my shoulder. I tried to make it sound like I just wanted him to keep talking to stay awake, but I wanted to here more about his dreams. Like Lucas I had been told that I go on and on in conversations, in fact I loved doing it.

"Bayard," I said seeing the blood hound, "Get the Queen and tell her we need medical help. He's lost a lot of blood. Hurry."

"Of course, my friend," Bayard sadi before running into the castle.

Placing Lucas on the white bricks I watched him stare at me. Sadness had consumed his eyes and he looked like a child. With a whimper Lucas gripped my hand tightly. Kneeling next to him once more I ran a hand through his hair and prayed the White Queen could help him.

"Hatter," Mirana said walking to us with Bayard, Matty, and a woman with a medical bad, "How is he?"

"Barely alive," I said keeping my hand in his.

"You'll have to let go," the woman said calmly.

Looking at Lucas I saw that his eyes were fluttering clsoed and his mouth moving slowly. I leaned down and heard him repeatedly say 'Don't leave'. With a nod of my head I silently promised myself and him that I wasn't going to leave him alone. That had happened to often before.

"Sir," the woman said placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Remove your hand if you know what's good for you," I said in a very deep Scottish accent, "I'm not leaving Lucas's side."

"Hatter," Mirana said softly.

"No, I will not leave his side not now, not ever."

Mirana looked shocked at my voice and stepped backwards. Blicking a few times I opened my mouth to apologize when Lucas tightened his grip. Smiling sadly down at him I watched his eyes drift closed before his hand went limp in mine. I gripped his tighter trying to get back in control.

"You have to heal him," I said softly, "Now, please help him quickly."

The woman nodded and got to work on cleaning Lucas's wounds. I watched her wipe the blood away carefully revealing three deep wounds and more shallow wounds surrounding them. Someone had made Lucas feel so horrible that he started to hurt himself, tried to kill himself.

"He begged," I said roughly.

"He begged?" Mirana sadi confused, "For what?"

"For me to kill him. He screamed and begged for me to kill him. I held a knife to his throat as he begged."

"Oh dear."

"How did that happen? How did someone hurt him so badly that he does this to himself?"

"I don't know. I've never heard of a place like that."

"He's Alice's grandson. He lives where Alice did and this happens."

"It's a different place. Different rules."

"He can't go back, your majesty. He'll die there."

"It's his choice."

"He'll die."

"Hatter."

"I can't allow him to die. I won't do it. He'll stay with me, but I won't let him leave not back to that place."

"We'll discuss this when he's better."

Nodding my head I cleared my throat and waited. Soon Lucas would be awake adn I could convince him to say. There was no way around it. Lucas would die if he ever went back. Though I didn't understand why I felt so attached to him I knew that my heart would break if I let him leave.

"He'll be fine," the woman said calmly, "He'll be asleep for the rest of the night though."

"You two will sleep here," Mirana said smiling, "I'll show you to your room."

"Thank you, my Queen,' I said lifting Lucas.

Once Lucas was in my arms he wrapped his arms around me and held on tight. I smiled softly to myself when he did that. Even in his sleep he wanted to be attached to me. I knew there was something deeper going through his mind, but all I wanted was for hi to be safe. I just hoped that safety was with me.

Mirana opened a door and motioned for me to go in. Smiling in thanks I went to place Lucas in the bed. Laying him down I moved to go to a chair to sleep only to have Lucas's grip tighten. He wasn't going to let me go. Calmly I stripped a few things away and climbed into the bed and joined Lucas in sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

I own nothing. Will be some sensitive things coming up. Slash sexiness in this chapter. **REPEAT: SLASH SEXINESS! **You've been informed. Enjoy!

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><p>"Lucas," Hatter said smiling at me, "You're awake."<p>

"Yeah," I said blushing, "Why are we in bed together?"

"You wouldn't let go of me last night when I brought you in here. So I stayed."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. Of course I had no idea I was sleeping, but I wouldn't have done that if I knew. Not that there's anything wrong with..."

"Hush Luv, I know exactly what you mean."

Taking a deep breath I tried to move away from Hatter only to fall off the bed. I let out a soft whimper when I landed on my wrist wrong. Hatter was by my side instantly helping me back on the bed. He gently took my wrist in his hands and looked at it. Shaking his head he pulled out some fabric and wrapped my wrist up.

"You are a klutz, Lucas," Hatter said calmly.

"I'm aware," I said nervously.

"What is wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Everytime you're around me you act nervous. It's almost like you're hiding something. Are you hiding something from me?"

"Yes."

"What are you hiding?"

"I can't tell you."

"Yes you can."

"No, Hatter, I can't. Please, you must understand this and let it go. I'm not going to tell you. I can't. I really can't. Please, can we change the subject?"

"No, you begged me to kill you and I want to know why. I won't let it go."

"I don't know what I was thinking and I'm sorry for what I did and said. Happy now?"

"No, I don't think you're getting this Lucas. I want the full truth and I'm not leaving you alone until then. So get used to having me here. I'm not leaving, but if you tell me the truth now..."

Before Hatter could say anymore I threaded my hand in his hair and kissed him. A moan slipped from my throat before I could stop it. I had been dreaming of kissing him for years and here I was and he was starting to kiss back. I pulled back quickly to stare at him.

Hatte stared back at me for a moment before grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me into another kiss. Feeling his lips against mine again I moved closer to him only to have him push me against the bed. With my back against the bed spread Hatter straddled my waist and went to kiss my neck.

Moan I gripped his shoulders and tilted my head to the side. Hatter ran his hands down my sides before moving them under my shirt and pushing it up. He moved it until it was right under my nipples and pulled away. When he din't come back I looked at him and saw his eyes were an orange color.

"What else have you been doing to yourself?" Hatter said his accent coming through again.

"I...I'm sorry," I said my voice breaking.

Hatter growled at me softly and riped off my shirt. Looking at my chest and stomach I saw my bones standing out dramatically. He looked away and got up. I opened my mouth to sasy something only to realize that nothing I was going to go say would make it better or make him understand what I've done.

"What else?" Hatter yelled angrily.

"A lot," I said looking at the ground.

"Why? What could make you do soemthing like that?"

"What do you want from me Tarrant?" Yes, I cut myself. Yes, I don't eat and when I do I force myself to throw up. Yes, I work myself until I'm sick. Yes, I've tried to kill myself. And, yes, I want to die."

"Why?"

"Because I'm gay!"

Hatter looked confused at my outburst. For years I had been hiding that and it seemed this place didn't even know what it was or they jsut didn't care at all. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with that. It could be a good or bad thing.

"What's that?" Hatter asked slowly.

"It means I'm not attracted to woman," I said sighing, "I never have been. Boys my age were screwing girls left and right and I was having dreams."

Moving closer to Hatter I ran my habnd over his chest. I knew that I shouldn't be doing this, but I just wanted to forget. Maybe there would be reprocutions, but I wasn't going to stop until the Hatter stopped me. After a moment of Hatternot stopping me I opened his shirt.

"What did you dream?" Hatter asked slightly out of breath.

"You," I said kissing his chest, "Dreamt of you pushing me into that table you have tea on. God, Hatter, please."

"Tell me. I want to hear more."

"How about I show you?"

Ramming Hatter into the wall I latched my lips to his. I dug my nails into his chest and drug them down. Hatter pulled away from me and looked at me in confusion. He didn't seem to be getting that I didn't want this to be sweet. I wanted this to make me forget about the other life. I wanted him to help me forget.

"Nevermind, Hatter," I said pulling away fully.

I turned away from Hatter and looked for my shirt. As I reached for it I was pulled back against Hatter. Place his hands on my stomach I rested my head on his chest and waited. With the way he was acting I had no idea what was running through his head.

"You're sick, Lucas," Hatter said rubbing small circles on my stomach, "I know you want it rough and I'll get to that soon. Trust me. You need to get better first though."

"I'm not sick," I said trying to pull away.

"What was the last time you ate and kept it down?"

"I don't remember."

"I didn't think so. You're sick, Lucas, and as much as I love the idea of having sex with you I'm not going to until you're better."

"What if I never get better?"

"You will. I'll make sure of it. You're not going to do this alone."

"What happens when I'm better? Are you going to force me to leave Underland?"

"The White Queen says it's up to you whether you stay or not."

"But you?"

"I'm ready to lock you up in my house and never let you leave."

Smiling I turned around and stared at Hatter. As I looked into his eyes I saw truth. He actually meant what he was saying. No matter how much I loved my family he was the only person that said that and I believed. Hatter was amazing and no matter what happens I couldn't leave him. And how deep I felt about him confused me to no end.

"It's up to you though, Lucas," Hatter said sadly, "I can't force you to do something you don't want to."

"There's no choice, Tarrant," I said smiling, "I love my family, I really do."

Hatter sighed and looked at the ground. I hated that I was causing him to look like this. He's such an amazing person. How my grandmother left him was a complete mystery to me. I knew what I had to do. I had since I've seen Hatter and with how he felt about me I was positive about my choice.

"I'm going to need a few things," I said calmly.

"What are you talking about?" Hatter asked confused.

"I need clothes, toothbrush, book, and maybe a dog."

"What are you saying?"

"That's I'm staying, Hatter. Of course I'm staying!"


End file.
